Brothers: A eulogy for Alan by Eric Handyside, 5 May 2011

Alan was my elder brother by five years

In Mellis

As a man, Alan chose a difficult path through life. Latterly he seemed rather like a warrior who had hung up his sword and shield. It was as if he mellowed in Mellis. 

Growing up as brothers

I want to tell you about us growing up as brothers. We were both born in Newcastle-upon-Tyne. Alan was a war child and knew about air-raid sirens and Anderson Shelters. I came along after the war – I’ve always tried to avoid conflict!

Home was a small but comfortable redbrick flat.

My Bruvva

In a once-popular comedy song called "My Bruvva", an older boy recounted some of the antics of his younger brother. It ended with him saying, "Ere, what’ve you got in your ‘and?" followed shortly after by “Urgh!”

That was a bit like our relationship.

Mam & Dad

Dad was a carpenter and joiner. He gained further practical skills in the Royal Electrical & Mechanical Engineers (REME).

Mam was a trained secretary and a cook both by skill and her maiden name. She also had a good contralto voice and took part in amateur operatics when she could.

There was a strong vein of Methodism in the family. For Alan and I this was to lead to regular church services, Sunday school, youth club, eisteddfods, bazaars and concerts.

Scarborough

When Alan was six and I was one, the family moved to the seaside at Scarborough in North Yorkshire. The purpose was to take over a guest house from Mam’s widowed mother. Suddenly we had the run of ten bedrooms and two attics. There was a large dining room that in winter was good for table tennis or the electric train set.

Practical

Out of season, Dad set about transforming the place. Alan picked up a lot of practical skills from him. I helped by redecorating a bedroom that Dad had just completed. It was just another case of "Wait ‘til you’re older!"

Visitors

There were many folk in our home for the Summer months of the year as well as Christmas. This meant picnics and cricket or rounders on the beach, lots of good food, Friday night sing-songs and scope for holiday romances.

Competitive

As a family we played a lot of cards and boardgames. Alan and Dad used to enjoy chess. Maybe these activities cultivated Alan’s competitive spirit. Maybe the pride of Tyneside and the grit of Yorkshire had something to do with it. We often had play fights. One night he got me in a necklock and I pretended to be dead. Alan got worried, even more so because I actually fell asleep.

Sports

Alan’s strength was in using his arms and hands, mine in using my legs. 

The county cricket ground was just down our road. In his youth, Alan was a gifted spin bowler at cricket. Whilst he practised in the nets, I played at running through the groundsman’s sprinkler system.

As an older teenager, he switched to tennis. After he left home, first squash and then golf took over.

Music

Music was important to Alan. He became proficient at playing first the piano and later the organ. Mixed in with this was a short-lived spell as a member of a skiffle group.

Finish

When Alan was 19 he went off to Sheffield University. That is where this part of the story ends. As a youngster I was very proud that Alan was my brother. He in turn was caring and generous towards me right through my life.

It would have been good to have had a few more years with him around.

Emails about Alan

It’s bad news for me and unexpected. For me, I am waiting to see him in person in Addis in May. This is for me bad news at all.

Just he was a real father for me and he gave me his kindness when he was working together with us and he show for me so many things from his life experiences. Just he was my dad.

God give to him heaven and peace after all. Oha my God, I wish to meet him in Addis. I don't believe it. Just I wish to show him my little child.

Sorry Gillian. God gives you comfort ,

This is for me sorrow. Just I want go church and cry for my sadness. Sorry.

Adanech Tesfaye - Ethiopia

I am so sorry to hear poor Alan has died. He was a very special man. I have some very happy memories of time spent in his company. He was unique in my experience. Please pass my sincerest sympathies to Clare, Gillian and Liz and of course to Angela. All of you must be heartbroken.

Denise - UK

That is the most dreadful sad news. I will sorely miss his regular emails and occasional visits to Brighton.

Barry - UK

Thanks for letting me know this sad news about Alan. It must have been a shock for you all.

I remember his cheerful hospitality and that he said he liked the north east because people knew how to spell Handyside when he was asked for his name.

With sympathy to you and all the family.

Monica - UK

I am so sorry to hear this sad news. Although I haven't seen Alan recently, I have happy memories of him making Nikki and Clare laugh when they were children. They once had a joint birthday party and 'Uncle Al' was the star entertainer. 

Anne B - UK

I was shattered to hear of Alan's death. You all must be totally devastated. The suddenness and finality is beyond my imagination to what you all must be feeling.
All my love and thoughts to you all. Alan was at times my friend, confidant and just a good mate. Someone with whom I could rekindle immediately friendship no matter how much time had passed.

Andrew

Although we haven't seen Alan for many years both Moray and I have very fond memories of him. His dry wit and tales of his travels used to have us in hysterics. It seems very sad that he died so suddenly and unexpectedly but, as Moray said, Alan would have preferred to go that way than have a long, degenerative illness. I hope the family is bearing up and the funeral is full of fond memories of Alan's life.

Carol and Moray - UK

It was with great sadness and shock that I received the news of Alan's sudden and unexpected death. I am afraid that I haven't been in touch much but I certainly think often of you and Alan and all the wonderful times and laughter we shared while in Ethiopia. Alan was a real mentor, guide and support for me. He contributed so much to the Ethiopian programme, not only in terms of the launch of ORS [oral rehydration salts] but in many other areas. I will never forget his laughter, humour, teasing, stories (dancing with the wooden-armed woman), his sharp intellect and his warmth and affection.
I recently took up the responsibility of managing DKT's programme in the Democratic Republic of Congo and was thinking of contacting him to do some work with me here. I would have welcomed his help and and his good company.

Sandra, DKT -  Ethiopia

I am really sorry to hear this sad news about Alan. What a shock it must be for you and all the family and I send my condolences to you.
Apologies for my late reply but I only returned last night from a week's walking in Yorkshire. Would you believe that Alan's name came up in conversation a number of times during the walk. One of my walking companions (David Crapper) had done some overseas work with Alan in the 90s and a few years ago Alan, David and myself went to a one-day cricket international at Durham. David and I reminisced about that. Also on our walk we went through Scarborough and we both knew that was where Alan came from and his name came up again.
I have fond memories of Alan's company, usually over a few pints, and I remember cricket discussions, a stubborn Yorkshireness and good company. I am sorry I will not be able to do this again.

James - UK

We are very sorry to receive this news. It is a great shock, as he was a chap so full of life. My last memories of him was at the party in London that was held for your mum’s 80th birthday as I remember. He was confronted by a hoard of Welsh people who set about demolishing his wine stock. Don and I plus wives had returned from a holiday in France the year before with a taste for Loire valley Chardonnay and he had masses of it. Alan was extremely gracious about the damage we did to his stock. He entertained us with witty anecdotes all night. He is a very sad loss. Please accept our condolences.

Hugh and Sonya - UK

I'm terribly sorry to learn that Alan has passed away. He was a great friend I met in my health development work with PSI, and we shared wonderful moments while he was visiting/evaluating PSI programs in various places such as Haiti, Guinea Bissau etc. He was a dear friend and I am terribly in shock, as all of you. Please accept my deepest condolences.

Matel Diallo

Eric: I was very sorry to hear the sad news about your brother. Alan and I were in the same class at Scarborough Boys’ High School. We were good friends and sat beside each other a couple of years.  I remember often visiting your family when you had the hotel on North Marine Drive and it was Alan who introduced me to Josephine Turton (my teenage crush) who lived opposite you. He and I also were a tennis doubles team, representing the school and often playing our version of Wimbledon at the Filey Road tennis courts. That seems years ago now and, of course, it was.

Please express my sympathy to his family and my best to you.

Paddy Devine - UK

Thank you for writing me with this sad news. My heart goes out to you and your family as you grieve this sudden departure.

Alan worked with us in Ghana and we really enjoyed getting to know him. I was hoping we would have a chance to work together again although I can understand that he was finding retirement very fulfilling. From the sounds of it, he had an adventure filled life.

It is very sad to know that he is no longer with us.

Audrey Sullivan

I am sure he is in the loveliest of places and will watch over Jenny always. It is sorrowful for us that we are no longer able to share everything physically but we can maintain a spiritual relationship because love lives forever. Hugs. Xx

Helen Coyer - UK


I met Alan when he was on an assignment in Pakistan in 2006. It was tough time because of the official politics which cast a pall on the project. Alan kept us all focused on the work and why it was necessary and generally kept us all levelled. For that and the humor that he kept in those days, I really admired and enjoyed him and his company.
My condolence to you and your family. Hope you have the strength to cope with the loss.
Adnan Khan - Pakistan